May I help you ...

The month of May and self-improvement

It seems the month of May is a 31 day long self-help book.

The month of May is American Cheese month, National Egg month, Skin Cancer Awareness month along with Melanoma Month.

It is National Asparagus month along with National Strawberry Month.

Its National Historic Preservation Month.

I like that!!!

But most importantly, May is Mental Health Month.

Enter me …. one of the mentally ill.

I was diagnosed with severe depression almost 40 years ago. Since that time, my depression has subsided and now, only anxiety lives on.

Anxiety squashes my social skills. It often keeps me here at the safety of my home.

I experience panic attacks with a racing heart, hyperventilating and pure fear. They can strike with no warning and I have to leave.

Twice … I was certain that I was having a heart attack and seeked medical care at the Emergency Room. And I know this is wrong … but I feel like an idiot afterwards because I bothered people.

I now find relief from my anxiety by knitting, gardening and reading. Slow, methodical hobbies soothe my hamster cage of a brain.

But depression was so much worse. My brain did not spin …. it was a dark, dank cloud that smothered all joy. I spent my childhood not wanting to live. As I aged, I slept for hours …. thought I deserved physical/mental abuse … and went deeper and deeper into the darkness..

Years later … I found a therapist that gave me hope. I first went to therapy 3 days a week … then twice a week … and finally once a week.

I read what I was told to read. I did my homework. I did everything I was told to do. I wanted the clouds to leave.

After six months … I was doing better. But I wasn't well. I finally agreed to try medication.

Prozac.

And there is no doubt about it. Prozac saved my life.

Prozac was introduced in 1986. I started taking it in 1991 and continued for over 20 years. For years after being weaned off the drug, I continued holding on to a bottle with just a few pills.

Just in case.

An emergency life line. My security blanket.

And now, RFK Jr wants to wean all Americans off SSRI medications like Prozac. He wants non-pharmaceutical ways to heal our explosion of mental health diagnoses.

And there are many good ways to help anxiety and depression without medication but I do have to leave the farm occasionally and enter the toxic world of other people.

Have you seen the people that are out there????

They lick heroin off toilet seats, let whale juices drip off the roof of their cars, cut the penis off a roadkill raccoon and have brain worms.

Oh … that is RFK.

The man that wants to take Prozac away from me.

If his named wasn't Kennedy and if he wasn't the Secretary of Health and Human Services … they would have him hospitalized for long time those behaviors.

2.5 years to go.

971 days.

Lets hope we survive the stupidity.

I finished 1929 by Andrew Ross Sorkin.

This is historical nonfiction with lots of researched facts that may relate to our current economic situation.

This book is truly about Wall Street, insider trading and the bull market that was never going to end.

I thought it was good book. I was hoping for more information about how the crash affected the middle class. But I soon realized that this was about the sins and greed of Wall Street.

It was frustrating to know that again there were no consequences for the ultra-rich and their actions. Maybe some diminishing circumstances … but no real consequences.

I would recommend this book. It is factual, precise and very interesting. Knowledge is key to surviving difficult times because the current economy echoes the past. We may be looking at the reflections of January 1929. I just don't want to see October of 1929. This may be a handbook for us.

After that …

And the nightly news (Pick a day. Any day.)

I needed something much lighter.

Maybe a book about a woman wanting to unlive herself.

A woman hopes to leave the world of the living only to find out she has rented a room in a historic hotel full of wedding guests.

She is the only non-guest. I won't say hilarity ensues but there are moments.

This is a good book. Maybe not a great book. I enjoyed it. I thought it was cute. But it was a really long wedding week.

3.75/5

I just started this novel.

World War 2 resistance knitting. Just my jam. Maybe my future.

It started slow but it seems to be falling into place now.

More updates at 10.

Speaking of knitting …. it is also Me Made May where you try to wear something you made every day.

I failed.

My Me Made wardrobe is more appropriate to January than May.

I need to sew again …. but knitting is something I can do incrementally. A row here with my coffee. An hour of knitting at night.

And according to Singer … I need to put on a clean dress and comb my hair prior to sewing.

But I did complete this pair of socks. This is completed pair number 9 for the year.

And finally!!!!!!

Yes … finally!!!!!

Smelly Cat has left the building!!!

She left on her own after leaving her Eau de Parfum behind.

But now …. after blocking off all of her entrances … dropping a few scent bombs … hours of cameras, looking for her glamour shots and the monetary equivalent of a car payment …. she no longer resides with me.

Hallelujah!!!

That is all for now.

I will talk to you later.

Cathy

www.buymeacoffee.com/misseffie